and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
