she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
