I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need moral support for this bender
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize