That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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