I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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