My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
