Yo dont text me then not text me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
