its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize