I feel great
I just peed on a car
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
