I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
