I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
