youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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