his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
