I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
