If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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