Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
