so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
