birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
