Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
