I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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