I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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