i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
