i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
