there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
