you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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