I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Randomize