Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
