i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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