My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
