You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
