I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
