Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
