is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
