Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
