FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
