if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
