I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
