I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
