i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He did a backflip because drugs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
