If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
