i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
