Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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