what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
