we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
