If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
