I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
high people should be assigned attendants
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
