the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
