you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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