No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
