You work out of a Hotel?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
