I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
