Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
