We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
