It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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