his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
