just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
