If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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