I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
