i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
