I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
