Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
