it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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