I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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