my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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