I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Farmville is her only friend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
