I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
