i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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