i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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