There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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